Monday, December 10, 2007

A Yearly Gripe

with me is most of the "new christian" music. Usually it's a combination of bad music and bad religion. A friend stopped by with a song she wants to sing at her church and is wanting me to play backup. My gripe with this song is typical of my gripe with both this kind of music and this kind of faith.

Here's my short version of the song. . .

We start out with nice, light holidayish full of baroque filigrees stuff and the lyrical theme is along the lines of Oh, look at the lovely stable, see the beautiful star, there in a lowly manger, how happy we all are. . .

then there is an abrupt change to dischordant crashing and jangling minors and the voice tone switches to sound like Korn with a hangover

HE'S GONNA DIEEEEEEE! YOU'RE GONNA KILLLLLLLLL HIMMMMMMMMMM!
HE'S GONNA SUFFFFFFFFEEEEERRRRRR
IT'S YOUR SINNNER'S FAULLLLLLLLLLT!



Give me Pretorius, Luther, Mendholsson, Bach, Handel and the other tried and true classics of the holiday. Lest any of you think that I'm a faithless bah humbug Grinch I must also report that I have already agreed to accompany my 12 year old nephew who has been taking guitar lessons for three whole months when he plays "Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer" and "Silent Night" at his church Christmas weekend.

(Phrasing note to carolers and other non-musician types who will be singing this year. In most carols you can glean great phrasing tips from the punctuation of the song. It's God Rest Ye Merry, (pause) Gentlemen, NOT God Rest Ye, Merry Gentlemen just thought you should know. It won't cost you a cup of cocoa on my porch but there are purists out there)

3B's

15 Comments:

Blogger Camera Obscura said...

Re: commas -- Jeanette and Isabella are two different girls.

11:02 AM  
Blogger Lisa said...

I'm with you 110%. The sentiments can be grotesque, and it is sad that the followers seem to glean such satisfaction from that schlock. I wonder the origins; perhaps it is our post-George Romero world which demands such a cattle prod to awaken people from their collective stupor.

But arouse them to what end? Feeling puny and angry towards the unsaved and the "Jesus killers"? Good Lord.

11:56 AM  
Blogger seventh sister said...

I like the ' Good Lord' at the end of Lisa's comment. Made me laugh.

3:03 PM  
Blogger Sherry said...

i don't know what to say to a song like THAT!

well, yeah i do,

BUT it involves a lot of swearing.

(i am sorta wondering just who they have in mind as the baby jesus killers)

3:18 PM  
Blogger Sherry said...

the nephew thing sounds just wonderful. : )

now, that's christmas spirit!

3:20 PM  
Blogger somewaterytart said...

I did not know that about the Gentlemen who should rest merrily. (Is that right? I'm so confused...)

Oh, and modern pop Christian music can suck my ass.

9:25 PM  
Anonymous oddjob said...

More from the purity department:

It's "...Round yon virgin....", NOT "...Roun' John Virgin...."

Ahem........

12:09 AM  
Blogger pissed off patricia said...

I'm going to be on Sherry's team for this song. Nothing like stiring up hate at Christmas time.
My feeling is that we have too damned many Christmas songs. Every year someone comes out with a few more. Let's go back to the old original songs and stop there. Yeah, I am a bit hum buggy this year. I'm sick of being told from every direction that if I don't spend every cent I have on crap that I just absolutely cannot have a happy christmas.

I call bullsh*t on the stores, media and general ads.

7:04 AM  
Anonymous tata said...

Christian music makes me blurt out the old standard the basketball coach fucking kicked me off the team! da da dum da da dum dum! dum! dum! For wearing high heel sneakers and shooting like a queen!

You can't go wrong with the classics.

8:32 AM  
Blogger The Minstrel Boy said...

nope you can't go wrong with the classics.

my momma and my poppa say i got no right to live!
da da dum da da dum dum! dum! dum!
but i don't listen to them
'cause my mind is like a sieve!


fucking classics.

8:55 AM  
Anonymous horsedooty said...

to the tune of Winter Wonderland...

walking around in womens underwear...

yo soy Horsedooty!

9:34 AM  
Blogger Mustang Bobby said...

My Jewish friends sing, "God Rest Ye, Jerry Mandelbaum."

1:04 PM  
Anonymous tw said...

Or the old Smothers Brothers classic

You'd better not shout
You better not pout
You'd better not cry
I'm telling you why
Santa Claus is dead!

7:36 PM  
Blogger The Minstrel Boy said...

my friend april grew up in minnesota and she sing a winter wonderland version called "vinter undervear"

ya scratch a little here
ya scratch a little dere
valkin' in der vinter undervear"


fucking classic i tells ya.

12:20 AM  
Anonymous horsedooty said...

here is the whole song on youtube.com

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WWmKScVBn9Y

yo soy Horsedooty!

12:20 PM  

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