Looking Forward to a Weekend With April

Usually the way my life works the weekend really has no meaning. Because I work on a day to day basis, if there's work that day to be done, I'm working. When I'm in performing mode weekends are almost always about work. When the "squares" are off work, that's the time for me to go to it. Just how things go. So, for me to be all a twitter behind a weekend thing is unusual.

Of course, there's unusual circumstances involved. I have this old friend. Her name's April (OK that's her stripper name but I'm learning this whole blog psuedonym trip) and we've been very close for the last eleven years. She was the first woman I tried to have a relationship with sober, and while I fucked up all the places I usually fuck up when I'm in a relationship I didn't fuck them up drunk. We somehow managed to remain friends. Then the friends thing grew into what it is now. I wish I knew what it is now. That's the whole thing that makes it exciting.

Right off the top here, I absolutely respect and admire this woman. It's not just that she's a total babe. If she was carnival food she'd be Babe-on-a-stick; but that's not even a major part of her package. We met in recovery, I had about two years under my belt, was still fighting my way into the jingle game while being a single parent and trying to stay sober through it all. One night, I'm there at a meeting, whining my ass off about "it's so hard to work, take care of the kids (leaving out the part about how I have a full-time, live-in nanny) while staying sober, and ohhhh boo-hoo booble ooble oooo." Jessie Joe (who by this time is my sponsor) tells me that he has somebody he wants me to meet. I'm like "great another fucking cheerful geezer to tell me about how I should be gratefull and shit." Instead of a geezer, he introduces me to this lovely 28 year old blonde. She says "I understand that single dads don't get a lot of compassion, but you know, there are a whole bunch of women out there in the meetings who don't have the advantages you have." I mumbled stuff under my breath and looked at the toes of my shoes. She said "I'm a single mom too. I have four kids at home , I've been a single mom since I got sober. Their dad isn't any help with money or anything. I'm OK with that as long as he stays away and leaves us alone." Her story was a long one. Pregnant for the first time at 15, all the attending abuse and exploitation that goes with the alcoholic/drug abuse territory. She was definately a fighter.

We had known each other for about six months before I found out that she was a dancer. I had mentioned casually that I was dealing with learning that my oldest daughter who I thought was a full time college student in Alaska had been dancing in clubs there. I never really got all moralistic about stuff with her, in the first place, dancers in Alaska make stupid money. I mean incredible bucks. I also have never felt comfortable claiming any moral high ground or authority with my kids. My lifetime of over indulgence and indiscrestion speaks for itself. I can't see throwing hypocrisy on the top of that heap of shit. I just worry about them, 'cause even as big a mess as I usually am, I do love them and I want them to be happy. Anyway, I'm spilling all the beans and April just looks at me with her beautiful blue eyes and says "What do you think I do?" Being the sophisticated cool dude that I am I started mumbling and looking at the tops of my toes again. We did make a pact right there. I promised her that I would never go and see her dance. I never have. I've seen her dance in a club, just not a strip club, and believe me there's no way you would mistake her for a cubicle drone or have any doubt about her line of work. Strippers just can't dance square.

We eventually kind of slid into dating. As much dating as two people that have seven kids between them and full time careers can manage to do. That got to be enough of a hassle that we finally just said we didn't have the time to waste farting around with that whole boy/girl scene.

In the end it was mainly our busy lives that made a relationship between the two of us unworkable. No wait, that's a lie. I was doing my normal, self absorbed, off in my own world, not paying attention to the other person in my life stuff. I kept missing things that were going on with her. I not only didn't take the time to ask, I never saw. She broke it off one night while I was explaining to her why I couldn't possibly be able to be there for her birthday or something (I depended on her younger daughter to keep me posted on birthdays and stuff, I love kids that appreciate the beauty of a good bribe) bacause I had five days of work booked into three days of time and then right after that I had to be in San Francisco and after that. . .she looked at me with those beautiful blue eyes, with a single tear coming down from the left hand corner of her right hand eye. Something I noticed for the first time right then. Then she said "I don't think this whole us together thing has much left in it. I need more than you seem to be capable of giving me. I deserve more than you're giving anyway."

There wasn't anything I could say to dispute that. I knew in my heart that she was exactly right.

Like I said at the top, we remained good friends. We've seen each other through all kinds of things. Sickness, deaths in the family, one of her sons got busted for dealing dope, she got beat up by a customer at work, I lost an important gig I was counting on, I had some brutal tax problems. Life in general stuff that we stood by the other through.

When things changed was when I moved down to Palm Springs to open my chocolate shop. Now, there was some distance between us. She had never found the guy that she was looking for. She was into this whole meeting guys from out of town, fucking them for good money and then saying good bye at the hotel. Once I became officially "out of town" she decided that we might be able to work something where we could, at times of her choosing, get together and spend time with each other. Doing that whole caring about, and enjoying sex with somebody you know, who knows you, and loves you anyway. We tried it a few times in different places too. Once I took her with me to Las Vegas when I had a week's worth of gigs there. She did a guest spot at one of the top drawer venues for her kind of entertainment (I still have never seen her dance) and I did my thing. That worked out well. It wasn't like she was this other person who had nothing to do while I needed to devote my time and energy to my work.

Things between us have gotten comfortable. We know each other well. She called a little while back and said that she needed a break and could she come out to Arizona to see my new place. Maybe hang out at the pool, ride some horses, she knows I'll spoil her with good food and music.

So that's where we are. I've gotten the house all spruced up (OK, OK, I hired that shit out), My decks are mostly clear. I have the spare room ready and waiting for her arrival. Whether or not she spends any of that kind of time with me is up to her. Usually, that's the way it works, but, I make sure she knows that this is not the reason I'm so glad to see her again. We're way beyond that stage.

I don't know what kind of relationship you would call this. But, for us, right now, it's working well. My son is conveniently off for the week visiting his mother, we have the house to ourselves and for a few days; nothing but time, and each other.