Guacamole

I've never been quite certain whether Guacamole is classified as a sauce or a condiment. Opinions very among cooking mavens I have talked to. Recently I was completely taken in by a joke thing On

The Last Duchess

where she posted a recipe that was supposed to be from Laura Bush's kitchen for "Slim Jim Gravy." I was unable to follow the link to the site which was clearly a satire site. And there were several thing in the recipe that were obviously not something any serious culinary arts devotee would be able to stomach. You can check out the post itself

holy shit i hope i did this right

. I also remembered a real dust up that happened when Laura who, unlike her all hat and no cattle "rancher" husband is truly Texan born and bred gave out her recipe for guacamole. While I don't feel a crappy guacamole is a sign of poor character or anything I do object to taking something fresh, and delicious and turning it into a mush of bottled flavors. Her recipe called for bottled lemon juice (traditional guacamole uses fresh lime but while I can stand the substitution of lemon I can't abide bottled juice) and bottled hot sauce instead of fresh chiles (ultimate heresy, I not only want fresh I want them from my garden or a close friend's). One of the reasons that I fell for the satire is that I have seen in my travels truly odious and disgusting things done to decent food and called "Southern Style." There are exceptions as always. Paula Deen is a hero on Food Network. Paul Prudhomme is a national treasure. Emeril Lagasse found his muse in New Orleans. But these are exceptions to the deep-fried greasy starchy fat cooked in fat salted heavily smothered with white glue gravy rule that gets lumped on your plate throughout the south. So, truly, Slim Jim Gravy was not something I would doubt the mere existence of. Enough background stuff, I'll get on with the recipe before I start a regional culture war.

Guacamole

4 ripe avocado (soft but not mushy)
1 medium brown (or sweet, Imperial Valley Sweets being best) onion
4 serrano chiles
2 tomatoes
1 to 2 limes

That's really all you need. Any more ingredients will clutter up the palette.

Take the avocados, cut in half, take out the seed (and throw that thing away, it is total rubbish that leaving the seed in will keep your guacamole from turning brown. airtight containers, that's what stops brown, lime juice, that's what stops brown) scoop out of the skin and into a large mixing bowl.
Peel and finely dice the onion. I like to go about halfway between a 1/8 inch dice and minced for the size. I likes mine chunky. Put it in the bowl with the avocado.
Cut the serranos in half and remove the pith and the seeds (if you're a chili burn junky leave as much pith and seed in as you want to do, just remember that the degree of chili heat will grow exponentially overnight) and mince (I use a hand chopper for speed's sake)
Dice the tomato about 1/4"
Juice the limes on top of everything and using a potato masher mash the hell out of it.

Stop when you want to. I like to have chunks of avocado mixing in with the tomato, onion and chile bits so I usually quit before it reaches mush stage.

That's it. That's Guacamole. If you make your own tortilla chips (cut into wedge shapes and deep fry at 380°) you have the ultimate. Guacamole is also wonderful on toast, crackers, hamburgers, hot dogs, tacos, enchiladas, you get the picture. Best wishes in your endeavors. I, as ever, stand at the ready to give any continuing advice or moral support through the comments section should it be required.